Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
