so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
