@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
