You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
