i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
where are my eyebrows?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize