i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
