so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
