He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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