why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
