I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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