when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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