So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
