His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
