apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
