Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
