Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
