i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
