Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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