I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
