Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
