There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
