Yo dont text me then not text me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
