When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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