Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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