I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
FUCK WHALES
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
