ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
