So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
