He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
