either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you would pick up someone in the library
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
