dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
