I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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