im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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