Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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