dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
