New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
