iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
