I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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