What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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