remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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