I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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