everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
