How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
