Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
