I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
