it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
