Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
