I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
