then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
