too bad you live with your parents still
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
