I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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