so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
