Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
