he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
