how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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