don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
