Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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