I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
