Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
