Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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