So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
