**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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