I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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