somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My bed smells like the plague
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
