Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
