I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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