if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
