I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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