that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
