i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
