Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
