if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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